Happiness, surprise, sadness, frustration… From the first months of life, your child will experience these feelings and many more. It largely depends on you that over time they learn to understand and better manage their emotions. Studies today have proven that the brain of a newborn is capable of distinguishing the most basic emotions from the very moment of life. Proof of this is the immense pleasure your little one felt when you cuddled them in your arms just minutes after birth or the first time you put them to the breast to start nursing.
However, in the first six months of life, the cerebral cortex (the area that controls emotions) is barely developed. For this reason, the child does not know how to manage what they feel and, for example, may go from laughter to crying without warning, leaving the mother unaware of what disastrous thing may have happened. And that cry may not even have a reason.
According to neurologist Lise Eliot, babies spend more hours crying than laughing because that is Nature’s way of ensuring their basic needs will be met.
Support their emotional learning.
Dedicate as much time as you can: Being together often, without other people or distractions, helps them gain self-confidence (“Mom likes me because she spends time with me”) and creates a special bond between you.
Respond promptly to their needs: In the first months of life, it is good for your baby to know that you will feed them when hungry and comfort them when they cry. Children who do not receive this care as babies become adults who have more difficulty forming emotional bonds.
Consider their temperament: Calm, shy, nervous… Your child’s temperament is determined by their genes (as they grow, their experiences will shape their character). Treat them according to their temperament. For example, an active child is less bothered by different people picking them up than a calm child.
Use emotional vocabulary: It is essential for them to learn to recognize what they feel. Talk to them about emotions. “Are you happy to go to the park?” or “I love being with you!”
Don’t send mixed messages: For example, if you scold them, don’t do it with a smile on your face. Anger is a negative emotion and should not be accompanied by a positive facial expression.
Allow them to be sad: Feeling sad sometimes is normal and necessary for healthy emotional development. Ask why they feel sad and tell them there is nothing wrong with that and that they will soon feel better.
Teach them to share: This is one of the foundations of empathy. Start sharing food with them: “One piece of banana for me and one for you.” As they grow older, you can donate toys or clothes to other children.
Be their example: A study at the University of New Mexico School of Medicine proved that many children’s emotional reactions are exact replicas of their parents’. If you are stressed or calm, your child will be too.
Help them overcome frustration: If they try to do something and fail, tell them how proud you are of their effort. Children who face frustrating situations positively are much less likely to suffer from depression as adults.
Control what they watch on TV: An experiment at Tufts University (USA) showed that one-year-old babies could absorb and mimic expressions made by an actress toward stuffed animals in a video lasting only 20 seconds.
How to handle fears
- Darkness: draw it
A child may be afraid of the dark because they tend to “fill it” with scary creatures. One way to represent fears is to draw them. You can ask the child to draw on a blank sheet the things that scare them most about the dark and then destroy the paper in front of them.
- Fear of water: gradual bath
A child may dislike having their hair washed or taking a bath. Using rubber books or water toys, parents can comfort the child by physically supporting them and helping them acclimate while water is poured slowly over their head.
- Fear of strangers: observe their reactions
Fear of strangers begins around eight or nine months, when the baby starts to distinguish familiar faces from unknown ones. You can encourage a gradual approach to strangers while observing and respecting the child’s reactions, without forcing.
- Fear of noises: make fun of them
If the child is scared by a loud noise like thunder, parents should show physical closeness, such as hugging them. Another way to help is laughing together at the noise, imitating it as if making fun of it.
- Animals: imitate them
This is one of the fears parents should work on most, helping the child gradually get closer to pets. Parents can ask the child what they would do if they were a dog or a cat, to understand from within the world that previously scared them.
Fears come and go in children.
Some fears can be harmful to the child’s development; however, others can help the child avoid accidents: For example, fear of crossing the street, fear of falling from the swing, fear of animals, etc. These fears teach children to be more cautious in situations that require care. According to some researchers, fears appear and disappear, sometimes without us noticing. They also change as the child grows. Children begin to fear strangers, strange objects, loud noises, darkness, and later they may fear death, monsters, thieves, etc.
Many of these fears are induced by external environments such as movies, stories, friends’ tales, and others stem from negative experiences at home or elsewhere, and can even serve as alerts for parents to identify possible abuse or mistreatment. One of the most common fears in young children is the distressing separation from their parents, fear of abandonment. When the mother leaves them at daycare or with someone else and leaves, the baby or child does not know how long they must wait to see her again. This is when the fear of permanent loss arises since the child cannot measure time. But as the child matures, they understand reality more deeply and thus overcome their fears. Not all fears can be eliminated because they also help children understand the world and feel more confident in their ability to face fear.
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